My Top Ten Rules for Girl Dads (Or Soon To Be)

You’re soon to have your first daughter so you’re probably wondering what it is like to raise girls in the 21st century. Do girls grow apple branches out of their ears? Can they shatter glass when they raise their voice? Can girls fly? 

And to anyone’s surprise, the answer can be yes to all three.

If you’re a bachelor, engaged, a newlywed, or a man who knows his wife is soon to deliver another girl into this world you’re probably wondering what should I do next? What’s the manual on raising girls?

Look no further Dad-Dude because I have the best Top Ten Rules for Girl Dads listed below. Read and learn! 

Rule #1

Girls are human beings too. Treat them as such. They’re made out of the same stuff as you are, dad. They will not explode into a million pieces if you, say, let them play contact sports or drive race cars or whatever. It’s okay. They’ll survive.

Rule #2

Girls get to decide what they’re interested in. That means if she’s not into barbie’s she might be into science fiction novels or an initially unhealthy obsession with reading autopsy reports. That’s okay. It’s her thing.

Rule #3 

Girls can fight, very well, too. Protect your private parts. Also, invest, if financially possible, in getting them into self-defense classes. Krav Maga or John Wickian Martial Arts (a combination of Japanese jiu-jitsu, Brazilian jiu-jitsu, tactical three-gun, and standing Judo) will do for a start. 

Rule #4

Girls are intellectuals. To think otherwise only demonstrates how much of a dunce you are and how stuck in an anti-modernist, anti-intellectual bubble your shrunken brain has become over the years. Let them thrive. 

Rule #5

Girls are funny. It is okay to laugh at their hilarious jokes and to be entertained by their dark humor as well. If you’re afraid of laughing at their jokes it is not their jovial nature that is the problem but your insecurity you cold, calculated psychopath. Sorry. Not sorry. Canadian thing. 

Rule #6

Learn to apologize. Apologize honorably. Do not make excuses. Be a humble dad and your daughters will notice this honorable character trait worth emulating. 

Rule #7

Your ability to provide financial stability is second to your ability to provide them with your undivided attention. Learn to shut up. Learn to listen. Learn to be present. They will not always need a solution, they can figure that out for themselves, but they will need a shoulder to cry on. 

Rule #8

Be present. This one is extremely hard for us to accomplish in an age where social media and binge-worthy shows consume our attention every day. But, do your darned best to be there, be present, be aware, and know that your presence is wanted and appreciated, even when it is not verbalized!

Rule #9

Girls are allowed to make mistakes. Do not allow yourself to believe that girls are superhuman, morally superior to their counterparts, the dudes. They make mistakes, big ones, small ones, criminal ones, and yes, they might cheer for an opposing team, say, Argentina, or whoever Tom Brady plays against in the Super (Brady) Bowl. They’re champions at reflecting, committing time for intro and retrospection so as to determine how to better resolve the same issue in the future or avoid it altogether. Do not place them on pedestals. Praise them. But don’t worship them.

Rule #10

Girls are not defined by men. Do not allow your daughters to believe they need a man’s or a woman’s approval to determine their worth, standing in society, their intrinsic value and etc. Their worth supersedes that which any man or woman can say about them. Instill this in them so that they are not duped by a broken society into believing that their value comes from being objectified and sexualized. NO. Don’t allow that thinking into your house. 

Concluding Thoughts…

Remember that your daughters will be better than you at everything. You’re stuck with rehashing decades-old dad jokes while she’s starring in her first Netflix stand-up special. You might’ve been good at sports but since your knees have given out, your gut has swelled, your hair loss has accelerated and your testosterone levels are all but nonexistent it is okay to celebrate your daughter’s gold, silver, and bronze medals. She’s the athlete you could never be and that’s awesome. If she’s a musician, dance to her tunes. If she’s an author, attend her read-ins. If she’s a concert organizer chime in and help her push a couple of sound boxes around, should she need your assistance? If she’s a nuclear physicist you can go brew her a fresh pot of coffee and then sit back and hush. You don’t know a damned thing about nuclear power or physics. Sure you can throw a ball but you can also pour a cup o’ coffee. Get to it. 

There is nothing your girls cannot do. There is nothing they will not accomplish. You need but be the foundation of the catapult that will launch her into space, metaphorically, of course. Unless she takes over Elon Musks’ company or starts her own and reaches Mars before anyone else does then yeah, you’re a cooler catapult, per se. 

Love, be patient, listen, play, and yes, mess up from time to time so that she can see that dad is human and that dad knows how to humble himself enough and apologize for his mistakes. 

If you’re a man of faith in a family that values and respects the metaphysical then instill these things into your girls but don’t force it. God is not one who recommends force in respect of conversion. He meets them down the road to show them greater and better things, not hampering their progress in life but fortifying their strength and will to succeed. He is the ultimate guide. You’re just a temporary helper.  

Faith. Hope. Love. Teach them these words and live them out in your private and public life.

Anyway, I’m going to head back to my fat-gain program while you dudes go about your business. Remember fat is only phat when you’re a girl dad. Otherwise, shed some pounds man. You need to stay alive long enough to raise your kids and one day fit into that tux to walk your little princess down the aisle. Or fit into a suit to walk her to the launch pad prepped for Mars. 

From one girl dad to another (or future girl dads),

Learn to love unconditionally. This will help out

Peace dudes. 


Featured Image is mine.

Published by olivettheory

My name is Jarrel and I'm a lover of words, people, odd behaviors, theology, independent films, all-immersive RPGs, Christian metal, podcasts, and history. Not in that order. I'm a writer... in training. Let’s read and talk about things together. This is my Olivet Theory. Husband - Dad - Dude

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