Marital Advice For The Uninitiated: Six Years In


Every year, an average of two million (yep, that’s 2,000,000) love-hungry Americans find themselves at the altar reciting their vows, making promises; that in all honesty, they will not keep and at the mercy of their emotions as they cry through unintelligible, I do’s. 

And in the same year, well over one million love-hungry American’s find themselves dissolving their marriage through no-fault divorce proceedings. This is disheartening.

What, then, is my advice to the a soon-to-be-married couple? What could I possibly add to this conversation after six years of being, myself, a married man?

Well, the most wholesome and practical advice I can relay to the uninitiated is this:

Mind your own business. 

That’s it. Just mind your own business.

Stay out of people’s lives and keep your marriage gossip proof, baby. 

Ain’t no reason you should be dipping your fingers into someone else’s problems, concerns, finances, and marital maturation. 

Let them grow in peace. You, develop your marriage in peace as well. 

Stop listening to love guru’s who probably live a very duplicitous, promiscuously loose lifestyle and instead, focus on your soon-to-be-spouse. Far too many problems arise in marriage because people want so much to live like, behave like, be empowered by, attain the same level of status like, promote a sense of stability like and be unimaginatively in love like power couples they see on social media or in their community.

Stop it. 

Mind your business. Love the person you are coupled with and learn to compromise. 

Now that we’ve passed from the first and most important advice I can think of, we can move on to other more practical tips. 

  1. This post is not for you. Move on.
  2. The next post you read about marriage may not be for you either. You’re not paying attention.
  3. Just because you’re in love does not mean you should marry that person.
  4. Don’t marry for money but if money is involved, hey, don’t sign a prenup.
  5. If you’re the one with money, produce a prenup.
  6. Is this person you are about to spend the rest of your short life with worth the time and effort? If no, then why are you going through with it?
  7. Debt. It’s the devil’s ingrown toenail. Talk about it before signing your life away to someone who has a $45,000 anchor wrapped around their ankles. Not a break-off, but a must-have discussion. Transparency is key. Debt can ruin families for generations ahead. Be smart. Be economically sound.   
  8. Have you had any arguments or disagreements? No? Have them now, before getting married so you can learn how to cope, compromise, apologize, reconcile and grow together before saying your I do’s. Determine if the person you are about to wed is a prince/princess in engagement but a brute/witch post-honeymoon phase by having productive disagreements before getting married. People change when they’re angry. Be careful.
  9. Love is a commitment, not an emotion. Are you willing to commit to a life-long agreement of love, emotional and sexual investment, growth, trials, sacrifice, and more to one person under one institution? Sounds scary? It is. Take it seriously. 
  10. Marriage is not a place where you find happiness and fulfillment. If you cannot love yourself first, before entering into this union, you will not love yourself later. Your future spouse cannot bear the sole responsibility of loving you twice over because you fail to love yourself. 

Again, disregard my marital advice. I beg you. 

Because what works for us will not necessarily work for you. 

Whatever works for you, believe me, will not work for us. 

But one thing is certain, divorce is ugly, divorce is nasty, divorce leaves scars, but divorce is not the end of the world. 

Consider what I just said, carefully. 

Divorce is not the best option available if a relationship sours. Remember that reconciliation is possible. Rebuilding a broken marriage is possible.

It requires time, therapy, a willingness from both spouses, sacrifice, tears, love, patience, forgiveness, continual openness, and transparency. A badly damaged marriage is repairable. There are many examples of that in the world. 

But, in cases of say, domestic abuse, well, for the safety and security of the abused, it is worth leaving alive and starting life again elsewhere. 

Divorce is sad but your life does not end because of it. 

To avoid getting divorced, don’t get married. But if you do get married, understand that you are making a life-long commitment. Like 100 years long.

So, for the love of God, please read this article and disregard it. 

Go live your life. Learn to love wholeheartedly. Commit to a holy union that brings forth societal stability. One that develops you into a mature individual. Become one with someone.

Keep on minding your business and one day you will find out that your marriage is better, healthier, brighter, and worth having because your nose spends more time in your spouse’s neck instead of in someone else’s tea. 

Move along. Nothing to see here. 

For more non-advice from your favorite blogger, please visit or call 1-800-URB-ZNES and find out how you can excel in life, love, and marriage. 

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